Volcanic Activity Wrongly Detected In Iceland

The events of the last 2 weeks surrounding the volcanic eruption in Iceland have been incorrectly reported. The story has been manipulated and covered up by various European agencies and military officials. The so-called "Volcano in Iceland" is actually "A Lamb & Veg Meatpie From Iceland Frozen Foods". An undisclosed source deciphered a military message containing the words Iceland, Magma and Crust. The 3 words were flagged by a software recently installed by "Anti Pie Security Agencies" There is actually no volcano in Iceland. The cloud of ash is actually coming from a smouldering pie which was originally in a frozen state when purchased from Iceland Frozen Foods. The pie was foolishly left to thaw out. The reporting of the incident was either lost in translation or deliberately covered up to prevent worldwide panic. This is actually the 1st pie activity reported this new decade. More to follow is a certainty. The ash which has grounded much of the world's aircraft is a mix of crumbling crust, baked gravy and various pie fillings. Any aircraft coated in the ash will actually morph into flying Cornish Pasty MM33's. A deadly craft last seen in the late 1970's in the Hull area of the UK (a haven of pie activity at the time). Speaking anonymously, a scientist from the Calvados Initiative, in Normandy has warned of the severity of the ash coatings. "How many craft will morph cannot be predicted, 10 or 10 thousand, who knows". Watch this space for more, and watch the sky's also. We are on the brink of nasty pasties!!

St Puddings Day - yet another masquerade

"top o der marnin" as they say over in the emerald isle.
Emerald my eye.
The green is nothing more than the 40,000 year build up of fungus thats grown on the spilt gravy from a large meat n tatey pie transporter that had a major propulsion failure due to being over loaded with a hearty crop of finest spuds and plummeted back to earth off the west coast of england.
More commonly known now as Ireland but back when mr cromagnon was striking chunks of rock together to make fire, that island was called Pieland.
This mass of festering puss soured the land and was the major cause of the great potato famine of the 1800's.
St Pudding came along to bring enlightenment to the Emerald isle and promised to drive the remnants of the crusty critters from the shores but alas, he was nearly eaten by a marauding mutated liver n onion slice in a flaky pastry wrap so he hot footed it back across the water to Wales.
He was never the same again and was plagued by nightmares for the rest of his life. He walked around the country telling his story, but no one believed him.
Mick Stupp the local guide in ballynytus, county tyrone often conducts tours for visitors and recounts the tales of woe and depths of depression that befell St Pudding.
His friend, Mick Sterbs, the florist has a collection of notes supposedly written down by St Pudding at the time of his nightly outbursts, a few are written here:
"dead on"
"so ye arr"
"like eye"
Everyone a modern classic
Eventually he changed his name to Patrick.
Those pies have a lot to answer for.

If only Armstrong had opened his eyes!

July 1969... the world looks on in awe as Neil Armstrong unravels the American Flag on the surface of the moon. Had Neil not been so engaged in trying to get his flag to fly, then perhaps he would have noticed the crash landed Lamb & Pea behemoth craft pictured in the foreground above. He only had to glance to his right, but no, he had to get that last crease out of the flag. Shame on you Mr Armstrong!! Perhaps the world would be a safer place had you returned to Earth with a gravy or crust sample instead of the pounds and pounds of moon rock. Our military could have been well on the way to developing a crust buster or an anti gravy scald device. Nice one Neil!

Photograph courtesy of an undisclosed source who happened to be on the moon at the time of the NASA landings.